Murphy the pug

The Positives of Being a Conehead

My friend Hazel had to have her eye removed recently but she’s taking it like a brave pug.

Her days in a cone have proved to work in her advantage. It’s my distinct pleasure to welcome Hazel, our guest pug columnist:

Hazel here. I just wanted to pass along some helpful tips that I have learned while being incarcerated in my cone. At first, I was fairly downhearted about the whole experience, but as time has gone by I have discovered that the cone has some very interesting uses. Being a community spirited kind of girl, I want to share them with my fellow pugs.
1.) I like to clean my brothers and sisters ears. I used to have to hold them down with my paws as they were mysteriously resistant. NO MORE. I now slide my cone over their heads and this nicely immobilizes them while I go to town on their ears and eyes.

2.) I have found that the cone is most useful in preventing your owner from snatching tasty tidbits away that you have found on the street. Simply cover the delectable object with the entire cone, making sure that the outer edges meet the sidewalk and press down. This protects the tidbit from snatching hands and concentrates the delicious aroma nicely.

3.) I use my cone very effectively like a cattle catcher on a train except I use it on Bob’s kitten. Simply come up behind the said cat, scoop the cat butt into the cone and shovel him or her along the sidewalk or hallway. This is an activity guaranteed to divert the most careworn of pugs.

4.) Sprinkler system. I discovered this one by accident while trying to figure out how to get a drink of water. The cone scoops up copious amounts of water that can then be sprayed for a substantial radius by shaking the cone enclosed head after drinking. Entertaining and useful in case of fire.

5.) Finally, a cone is a very effective wake-up system. Now to give my mother some credit, she mostly lets me sleep sans cone, but when she has forgotten to remove the cone before bed I have found it has some advantages. I let her fall deeply asleep then quietly move to her shoulder, carefully place the cone over her entire face and breathe heavily and loudly. The results are both startling and satisfying. The noises that this system elicits from my mother were a revelation to me. Squeals, squeaks and snorting to name just a few. Her reaction to the “cone of suffocation” approach also wakes up everyone in the house. It is well worth the effort.

Just wanting to share my knowledge with you all.
Hazel